Blind Item

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Here’s a blind item received from an obviously inside source.  Can you name these freeloading blaggers?

Little & Large

From various descriptions of this pair, we gather the following: The taller of the two (“Large”) is the shaggy haired, lanky, darker one, who’s always dressed in a crumpled blue linen jacket, while the shorter of the pair (“Little”), is lighter, with a short, professional haircut, but an equally offensive, cheap shiny blue suit (no tie). Little apparently “works” in the City and Large is his “artistic” freeloading companion. Some have said they’re a couple, as they almost always arrive together and can usually be found outside the kitchen door ready to pounce on the canapes as they come out. Please help put faces to these fearless food snatchers!

The Homeless Welshman

Many have emailed us a description of a smelly, bearded, homeless looking man who has a habit of showing up to all kinds of events uninvited, carrying his worldly possessions in a plastic bag. Scottish, Irish? No, we think Welsh, but he’s not traveling from there and so must have help navigating the London guest lists. Who is he and who is helping him? Time to shut off access to his free food and drink, though those offering a free shower might be appreciated. Just don’t expect to get the towel back.

The Old Lady

Descriptions range from “an odd looking white haired shrew like woman” to being “always dressed in black” and “smelling of mothballs.” Not to be confused with the “Belle of Christies” or “The Queen”, this softly spoken woman can usually be found hunched over a bowl of food in a corner, trying desperately to blend in. Who is she and what does she do? Is she the famous Conde Nast con artist with the Tesco bag or another freeloading ligger, yet to be unmasked?

The Trader

Possibly a banker, possibly a trader . . . various reports have him accompanied by a woman (wife, girlfriend, concubine?), yet others claim him to be a loner. Some have suggested he’s one of those “dangerous liggers” who helps others crash events, particularly in the wine sector. The description we’ve managed to distil is of a middle aged, white, medium built, smartly dressed and bespectacled “City gent type”. Could this be the famous underground facilitator, a veritable ligging legend? Several names have been suggested, but for the moment, we’re keeping this one as closely guarded as his circulation database.

The Three Stooges

Or is it the Marx Brothers? This trio are easy to spot as they always arrive together or in quick succession. We’re told the ringleader works in the city and is responsible for securing the invites and handling the RSVPs, while freeloaders Moe and Curly follow behind like hapless puppies dancing to their master’s tune.  So notorious are these three blind mice for following the food trail, everyone in the industry knows who they are . . . including the city ligger’s bosses. That should put an end to his ligging ways.  The freeloading Moe and Culry will soon disappear without access to invites.

Frankenstein’s Monster

Well there’s a description if we’ve ever heard one. Tall, old, gaunt, and maybe even having neck bolts, is how this scary looking character has been described. Others have variously stated that he’s a homeless alcoholic, a shaker, a spitter, or just a creepy old man, dressed in ill-filling suits with stripy suspenders and horribly patterned ties. Some have him down as being an author, while others have claimed he works in the charitable sector, though details are as sketchy as Rolf Harris’s defence (though some have claimed a parallel). Any idea who this drunken sailor is?  Time to name and shame this jailhouse rocker.

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31 thoughts on “Blind Item

      1. Oh I know who you mean. Mark from Blackrock and his sexual predator sidekick. The terrible twosome we call them. Bless him, he tries, but the lanky one has no game. Probably has a really small penis which is why he tries so hard.

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      2. You mean Umesh Patel from Aston Art Advisory? On his website, he claims to be a director, but the company was wound up last year.

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      3. Gay or not, those two are the worst. Captain and his syphilis infected friend need to be permantely banned from all events asap on public health grounds. Need antibacterial wipes just looking at him.

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  1. We got this same email along with the pictures last week at work. It’s quite funny as we have a portfolio of venues and were just the other week wondering who the two guys hanging out by the kitchen were. Our catering staff were sent out of another exit and a few minutes later, the pair of them had relocated to that door! I think they left pretty quickly once they were spotted, but now we know who they are, we can keep a look out for them.

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  2. Ha, love this pic! Especially apropos as the guy third from left is actually your homeless Welshman. Goes by the name Alan Harris (though it could be anything really) and has variously claimed to be from the fictitious Global Strategica Corporation or simply “Alan Harris & Associates” which is fine, if by “associates” he means “other homeless drunkards who come to events to eat the free food.” He’s now walking around stroking his long, unkempt beard, but that’s definitely him.

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    1. Actually, it’s spelled Alun Harris and he is usually found accompanied by fellow liggertirx Ilana Henderson of “Ilana Hendeson Design Events” which, you’ve guessed it, does not exist. These two awful characters are well known liggers in both the art and events industries, though thanks to sites like this and the [redacted for operational reasons] photo page, everyone now knows who they are.

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      1. Toby Evans, Alun Harris, and Illana Henderson. We’ve banned them all before but they keep on showing up. Thanks for the pictures, they really help. Keep up the good work. This is just want we need.

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  3. Isn’t that Julian Assagne pictured next to the woman? He always shows up drunk, yet somehow manages to stumble through the night without collapsing. No idea how he manages it.

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  4. Not sure about any of these, but the craziest whack job of a ligger has to be Sandra Shevey. Dressed like a dykey version of both the Wicked Witch of the East and the West (in a skirt that’s both too long and too short), Shevey continues to schlep about town touting her (non-existent) credentials as an author to anyone who’ll listen, and frequently to those who won’t; many trying to get away from her. Matthew Steeples calls her a loony, and we think that’s right. Keep a lookout for this one, she’s a right menace. Always shows up at the start of an event looking for food and won’t leave until she’s stuffed her face and her handbag full of food.

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    1. The worst are David Pun, Julian Assange, that awful Melanie Rochester woman, Mr Frizzy, the heroin addict Frida and her boyfriend Nasti, Sandra Shevey, and Alun Harris.

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      1. Agreed, though the Rochester woman hasn’t been seen in a while and neither has that greasy haired letch with almost no front teeth.

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  5. Oh I know who the Three Stooges are. They were at a dinner the other week. At least I think I do. Is it Mark Captain, Toby Evans, and Umesh Aston? If so, there’s some overlap with Little & Large who are two of the biggest liggers on the scene right now. How do they still manage it when everyone knows who they are?

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  6. If by “Frankenstein” you mean the beer stealer, then yes, he’s very well known. Loving the description though and totally agree about he neck bolts! Super creepy.

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    1. Thank you for this. We in the events industry have been wanting this list for quite some time.

      I would like to know who is the very camp man in his 60s that appears to be wearing an ill-fitting toupee? At best, I would describe him as a bizarre Elvis impersonator from India or Pakistan. I’ve seen him with an older woman also not listed, who is usually by his side at various events, but also does not seem to work in the industry.

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      1. Gordon was last seen shuffling out of an event with his pockets stuffed full of half drunk beer bottles. He’s been banned from most places now thank god. Probably why you don’t see him any longer.

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    1. There’s been an increase of what you call liggers of late, probably all spread over from the art scene . . . better food in events. We’ve noticed it’s become harder and harder to register for events, even with people we know, but the same faces show up over and over. I recognise most of those listed and then some, but your never going to get rid of them until venues operate a strict, no name, no entry policy. Seen it loads of times, people just walk in and nobdy challenges them. As long as they know they can just blag their way in, they’re going to.

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    2. The gay guy from Legal & General and the woman from Blackrock. They’re not a couple, obviously, but neither work in events and both are known freeloaders.

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  7. Shame, at least Gordon was pleasant, unlike that awful Melanie Rochester or the dreary Sandra Shevey. Haven’t seen either of them in a while. Hopefully they’ve been banned as well.

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    1. Gordon was just another homeless ligger. Good riddance to him and his little gang. Don’t need them wasting our time and eating our food.

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  8. We got a great picture of The Three Stooges sent to us this week. An early Christmas present. Shame there’s no way to post it on here. One name came as a surprise as he works for a very well known organisation (though not in the events department). The other two didn’t really surprise us as we’ve seen them mooching around events before, we just didn’t know how they got in or who invited them. Now we know, he’s been blacklisted and his details taken out of our database. We have also shared it with our clients and urged them to do the same. Hopefully in the new year, we will see more of the people we need to see and less of the freeloaders.

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  9. This is very useful to know as we organise many events throughout the year and the emails we’ve received containing names and photos will allow us to target the right people for our showcases, while keeping out all the time wasters who always seem to show up (even though we never invited them).

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