Here’s a blind item received from an obviously inside source. Can you name these freeloading blaggers?
Little & Large
From various descriptions of this pair, we gather the following: The taller of the two (“Large”) is the shaggy haired, lanky, darker one, who’s always dressed in a crumpled blue linen jacket, while the shorter of the pair (“Little”), is lighter, with a short, professional haircut, but an equally offensive, cheap shiny blue suit (no tie). Little apparently “works” in the City and Large is his “artistic” freeloading companion. Some have said they’re a couple, as they almost always arrive together and can usually be found outside the kitchen door ready to pounce on the canapes as they come out. Please help put faces to these fearless food snatchers!
The Homeless Welshman
Many have emailed us a description of a smelly, bearded, homeless looking man who has a habit of showing up to all kinds of events uninvited, carrying his worldly possessions in a plastic bag. Scottish, Irish? No, we think Welsh, but he’s not traveling from there and so must have help navigating the London guest lists. Who is he and who is helping him? Time to shut off access to his free food and drink, though those offering a free shower might be appreciated. Just don’t expect to get the towel back.
The Old Lady
Descriptions range from “an odd looking white haired shrew like woman” to being “always dressed in black” and “smelling of mothballs.” Not to be confused with the “Belle of Christies” or “The Queen”, this softly spoken woman can usually be found hunched over a bowl of food in a corner, trying desperately to blend in. Who is she and what does she do? Is she the famous Conde Nast con artist with the Tesco bag or another freeloading ligger, yet to be unmasked?
Possibly a banker, possibly a trader . . . various reports have him accompanied by a woman (wife, girlfriend, concubine?), yet others claim him to be a loner. Some have suggested he’s one of those “dangerous liggers” who helps others crash events, particularly in the wine sector. The description we’ve managed to distil is of a middle aged, white, medium built, smartly dressed and bespectacled “City gent type”. Could this be the famous underground facilitator, a veritable ligging legend? Several names have been suggested for this “child molester” but for the moment, we’re keeping this one as closely guarded as his circulation database.
The Three Stooges
Or is it the Marx Brothers? This trio are easy to spot as they always arrive together or in quick succession. We’re told the ringleader works in the city and is responsible for securing the invites and handling the RSVPs, while freeloaders Moe and Curly follow behind like hapless puppies dancing to their master’s tune. So notorious are these three blind mice for following the food trail, everyone in the industry knows who they are . . . including the city ligger’s bosses. That should put an end to his ligging ways. The freeloading Moe and Culry will soon disappear without access to invites.
Well there’s a description if we’ve ever heard one. Tall, old, gaunt, and maybe even having neck bolts, is how this scary looking character has been described. Others have variously stated that he’s a homeless alcoholic, a shaker, a spitter, or just a creepy old man, dressed in ill-filling suits with stripy suspenders and horribly patterned ties. Some have him down as being an author, while others have claimed he works in the charitable sector, though details are as sketchy as Rolf Harris’s defence (though some have claimed a parallel). Any idea who this drunken sailor is? Time to name and shame this jailhouse rocker.